Brand New

I need to get used to being alone again. Well I won’t be alone cause I have friends but I should say I need to adjust to the single life. It’s okay I’m awesome, and I don’t need someone bringing medown with them :)

I was so happy earlier, the pain was nowhere to be found, I was laughing. Smiling. But once I looked him dead in the eyes I became a sponge that soaked up the pain and depression once again. The tears swarmed my cheeks, my throat became tight and I could see my heart pounding under my flesh. I felt so sick, as if a tsunami was raging inside of me where my stomach used to be. I wish I was as strong as I was earlier at this point. I could see his lips moving but his eyes conveyed only lies…I can’t do this anymore.

I am depressed. Extremely depressed. But for once in my life I’m not suicidal. I have someone to go home to my little Pumpkin who I don’t want to be alone. My heart is in pieces. I don’t have one of my best friends in my life and honestly it’s killing me when this world of mine is crashing down around me. But I am strong. I am beautiful. And I don’t deserve to hurt this much. But I will carry on someday and be okay. Someday I hope that someday is soon.

I will never be good enough.

It looks like Death is knocking on my door.

He’s come for my heart this time, not my soul.

As he reaches in my chest, I feel his bones constrict my soul, I start to choke

And then he let go.

He apologized, blushing greatly.

It was a mistake, he usually takes dead souls.

I was his first dying heart you see.

He took hold of my rotting organ as it fell apart, crumbling in his hand.

I stared down at the dust he held as his made a fist.

I looked into his hollow eyes and saw the despair from the souls he’s guided down to the fiery lakes of hell.

Smiling as I see the joy in his wicked grin he walked out the door.

I’m hoping I’ll never see him again.

He put the remaining dust that was my heart in a jar, a keepsake

Until he would inevitably come knocking at my door again, for a cup of tea

And to take another soul to Heaven or Hell’s gates.

       If I had my way, I would have never known you. I would not be as bitter as I am today…Everyday. If I could go back in time, I would’ve ignored you…I wouldn’t cry nearly as much.

                     If I had my way…

                                       You would love me.